Find a couples therapist

When couples therapy or marriage counseling can help

Couples come to therapy for many reasons: the same argument on repeat, growing distance, trust broken by an affair, a big decision you can't agree on, the strain of a new baby, illness or money worries, or the question of whether to stay together. You don't need to be in crisis. Couples who start earlier often have more goodwill to work with.

In couples therapy, also called couples counseling or marriage counseling, the relationship is the client. The therapist's job isn't to decide who is right but to help both of you see the pattern you get stuck in, and practice a different one.

Common methods in couples therapy

The Gottman Method draws on long-running research into how couples argue and repair, and gives you concrete tools for conflict and connection. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) looks at the attachment needs underneath arguments, such as the fear of being left or not mattering, and is one of the more studied couples approaches.

Integrative behavioral couple therapy (IBCT) combines acceptance of differences with practical change. Discernment counseling is a short format for couples where one partner is unsure whether to stay, before committing to full couples work.

How the first couples sessions usually run

Many couples therapists start with a joint session, then meet each partner once on their own, then bring you back together with a summary of what they see. Expect questions about how you met, what still works, and what a typical argument looks like. Some ask each partner to fill in a questionnaire separately.

In the room a therapist can see how the two of you actually interact — who looks away, who interrupts — which is much of the material. Video still works, and is sometimes the only option when one partner travels or you are in different places; sitting in separate rooms on separate screens, though, changes the session, so agree with the therapist how you will do it.

Finding the right couples therapist or marriage counselor

Ask which model they use and what training they have in it; couples work is a specialty, not something every therapist does. Ask how they handle things one partner shares in an individual session. Both of you should feel the therapist is fair. If there is violence, threats or fear of your partner, couples therapy generally isn't the right setting, and individual support comes first; the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) can help you think through options.

Ask how long sessions run, since couples sessions are often longer and priced that way, and whether they offer intensives over a half or full day. Many insurance plans only pay for treatment of a diagnosed condition, so couples work is often paid out of pocket. Check with the therapist and your plan rather than assuming. FindSupport doesn't handle insurance or payments.

Couples therapy in FindSupport's listings

Couples work is tagged as relationship issues on profiles. 32% of FindSupport profiles nationwide name it, second only to anxiety (36%). A therapist can list several specialties, so these shares overlap.

By city, the most profiles that say they work with couples are in Boulder, CO (6 of 31), Bethesda, MD (5 of 27), and Boise, ID (5 of 40). In all, 64 cities have at least one, and each city has its own couples therapy page with the local listings.

Only about 6% of profiles nationwide say they offer online sessions, so if you'd like couples therapy by video, check each profile or ask. Our city guides put typical fees between $70 and $300 a session, depending mostly on the city.